“Some people define desire in biological or cultural terms. For me, desire is to own the wanting. To desire something is to say, “I want.” For that, there needs to be an “I” that has the right to want, is entitled to want, is deserving to want, has the self-worth to give permission for “I want.” Plus, the knowledge of what you want. Desire is really a fundamental expression of freedom and sovereignty—as in identity.” – Esther Perel

 “Spent” perhaps the perfect word to describe most of us at the moment. We wake up in the morning groggy and need coffee or something sugary to get going. Then we need more of the same later in the day. Our brain feels foggy; we’re not sleeping well, our body aches, our cold just sort of simmers and never goes away; and our sex drive is down. Many of us are running on empty, our energy is tapped, we are physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.

Juggling work, finances and families with uncertainty about the future as well as a constant onslaught of comparison on social media, means it’s no great surprise that we might not have as much energy for sex as we once did.

In a happy relationship, there must be balance, with intimate moments that bond us together.

It’s easy to crawl into bed night after night and feel too tired for sex. Is it really  just tiredness though? What does it mean when we say we’re too tired for sex? In truth, we are often masking the real reasons we feel disinterested.

When our libido’s take a nose dive, we often worry that we have that a physical illness, but most often, it’s not the case. A build-up of tension, along with anger and resentment, often reaches the bedroom, with disagreements, a lack of trust and poor communication eroding intimacy.

Our jam-packed schedules chip away at sacred personal time, everyone needs personal space, time to process our own thoughts and emotions. When this is lacking, our minds become overcrowded, increasing our stress level. Stress triggers our sympathetic nervous system, so we are constantly living with ‘fight, fright or flight’ leaving our bodies preparing for danger, not sex!